Restart...

I dont know what to say, so this is just going to be a big fat ramble of many thoughts..

- i have stayed the same weight (within a kilo) since the beginning of October. I should be happish about this since I haven't really watched what i eat or done any kind of regular exercise. but im not happy, im down right pissed off with myself. i keep thinking what is wrong with me, i need to lose weight and i had such a great start, and now ive just stalled, its not because i dont want to lose, its cos i dont have the motivation to do so

- i need to start cooking more healthier for my whole family, my kids need to learn good nutrition habits, I wasn't taught any growing up so would think that mcdonalds was a good "all the time" choice

- i need to organise myself better and i think this is part the reason that I keep coming unstuck.
- we dont have a big budget for food, and I keep thinking that "healthier" food is more expensive and I can't possibly make healthy choices for the same amount im spending on "crap" . what a load of bull. one bad habit is that after grocery shopping, i get drive thru maccas for me & DS - usually about $13ish.. I could make heaps at home for the same amount!! another bad habit, take away chicken and salad,.. not much change from $20, but if i keep some chicken breast in the freezer and keep stock of fresh veges, i could do the same for about $10 - and i save myself the hassle of driving to charcol chicken and finding a parking spot!!! wtf am i thinking!!!

- i had a chat with a friend the other night about weight loss - i said to her that i will start over in the new year more focused etc, and he asked me why i couldnt start now!! what reason did i give her - my birthday and christmas were coming up and i would have a blow out.. well you know what, even if i had a blow out on 2 or 3 days between now and NY, there is still 33 other days that I can eat well, and if i add in a bit of exercise, there is potentially 5kgs gone and i would start the NY in double digits (forehead slap here.. ) geez, i only have to lose less than 2kgs and i will be double digits!

- i keep thinking if i had stayed on the WW program, done some exercise like i was meant to, i would basically be at goal weight NOW. I keep thinking how sad that is and keep thinking "what the f*ck is the point!!"

enough ramblings for now, here some scary but sad facts
Start:
date 20/4/09
Weight 111kgs
waist 102cm
hips 135cm
bust 113cm
arms 45cm
thighs 78cm
dress size : 20

today
date 23/11/09
weight 101.5kgs (lost 9.5kg)
waist 96cm (lost 8cm)
hips 125cm (lost 10cm)
bust 102cm (lost 5cm)
arms 37cm (lost 7cm)
thighs 68cm (lost 10cm)
dress size: 18

thats it :)